I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she peed on how many people?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
