Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Randomize
