How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
