careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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