I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
