I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
