I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
