it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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