I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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