Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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