that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize