So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
