I think I just saw someone hide a body.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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