hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
