I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize