explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
