I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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