The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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