Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
