how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
