i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize