mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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