oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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