It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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