i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
