Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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