Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
