So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
