I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
