It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
