i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
