he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
