Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
