I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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