You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
