You're my little dorito
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
