If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
