Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
operation harelip BJ is a go
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
