you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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