how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
