the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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