this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
