you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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