if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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