I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
