The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
