I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
