i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
