Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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