I hope mine doesn't look like that
well you can't waste a boner
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
