When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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