Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
