The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
