I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
