that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize