I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
