I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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