She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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