hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
