I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
