her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How external is "for external use only"?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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