i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
