I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
